Mere Moments

Wound up and annoyed, I look out my kitchen window and see the street sign that says Halfturn and Tanglewood.

I am reminded of the time I was with a bunch of kids on the third floor of a brick hotel in the woods, flies were swarming over the ceiling by the thousands, at first this horrified us but we realized that they didn't bother us at all; we opened the windows and started to paint.

We laid some paper on the ping pong table and with a few diligent helpers and 10 more intermittent painters created a mural full of animals and castles, green fields with horses and a beach. A kid asked me if I can draw him a giraffe to color, I agree only if he draws a giraffe for me to color.

But my mind wasn't in it; I was upset about the larger situation where I couldn't count on any one, and there was no one to turn to. People that I loved like family were letting me down left and right, not showing up when agreed, not following through with a plan and actively undoing my work with a grin, it had my soul in a knot.

The mural began to take shape amid the buzz of kids running in and out, teenagers lending a hand now and then and various adults and there I was brooding with ten thousand black flies above my head like a pestilent idea.

I was wrestling with this feeling of anger and resentment when it dawned on me that I was doing exactly what I set out to do, not living in a broken brick building with bad plumbing and 20 orphans, but painting with kids. Making something beautiful with kids on bad times, sharing the only secret I know of this world, that beauty can flow forth from finger tips.

I was so upset about how things were going I didn't see what was happening around me. Enlightened I looked up to see the flies had gone; apparently they were just waiting for the windows to open. Elated and started painting my crudely drawn giraffe with a fresh heart.

When I see the sign outside my kitchen window it places me right where I am. It reminds me to see what is happening around me. That is what all the fatigue and grief are for; they are the battle scars from fighting on the front lines of what is and what we want.



-KZ

Actual mural


Giraffe Mural by ~racingzeno on deviantART