Recreationally Paranoid

To the People,

This one time, this couple I know, with a little two year-old boy was like, f**k this s**t, and they packed up everything in a minivan and moved from the village to the city. They quit their jobs and drove that overloaded minivan 300 miles to Babylon. They didn’t even use a moving van, that’s just how they roll.

So they get to the city and move into a crappy apartment on the north side, with a nice balcony overlooking the parking lot. Our naive protagonists signed the lease and went swimming, but something strange happened that night. This poor innocent couple with a little boy lay their heads down to sleep and all was not quiet, the... wall... was...Humnming!

That’s right, the wall was humming! The window in the wall was resonating, amplifying this eerie vibration like the body of a guitar. This was not some benign building noise from an ancient design flaw, it was in the room with us!...I mean them.

I used my guitar tuner to see that it is a sharp E.

So we got swindled into a defective apartment with a nigh unusable bedroom. If I were a single man, this would be the end of the story. Have you met my lovely wife? She went down to the manager, returning with a significant discount in our rent! And for a while I didn’t mind the Hum, it sort of sounded like money to me.

It was a short while. The noise soon drove me mad. I currently tense and un-rested, I stay up till all hours... I had decided, somewhere in the creaky attic of my skull, that the hum was not just annoying, it was actually dangerous, run-on sentences aside…we all know those kids that grew up in the house under the power lines…they use ellipses to no end.

So the manager got us a new apt. in the same building, with a significant rent increase, kind folk he. The balcony overlooks the park, not the lot! The wife and I sneaked over to the new apt in the middle of the night. With the lights out we lay in the dark bedroom, there was no mechanical resonance of any sort. I finally lay in silent peace; my lovely wife says the fridge is pretty loud.

Tonight we start to move in.

Tune in next time for a comprehensive dissection of the text including an exhaustive analysis of rhetorical mechanisms and their inert political implications.



We are a Nation of Two, the Boy being a non-represented special district,
Kleine Zwemmen

Prayers and safe passage for any and all babies that may be coming any day now, we are thinking of you.