Heckling Buddha

Dear Weblog,

My teacher (Sogyal Rinpoche) is working with me to understand the true nature of the mind. He says it is what the great Buddha came to understand when he sat under the Bodhi tree so long ago.

It is said that when that Buddha reached enlightenment the whole Earth shuddered with joy, and for that moment there was no illness or violence on the face of this world. Utterly unverifiable.

Apparently the true nature of the mind is difficult to grasp for four reasons, the least being that Buddhism is the practice of not grasping. Why it is so difficult to grok.

First, because the mind is so intricately intertwined with our experience, it takes a bit of mental origami for the mind to witness itself with any clarity or understanding. When you are looking for nothing, how do you know when to stop?

Secondly it is vast, the understanding the true nature of mind is like an ocean, so vast and encompassing that it is difficult to understand using common tools. Even our language finds it hard to express and convey its obtuse angles with traditional grammar and spelling.

Thirdly, it is wonderful; the understanding of the true nature of the mind is nothing short of release from all suffering, which is pretty cool, considering we exist in a harsh world under a cruel sun. Don’t get me started on the Moon.

Fourthly, the true nature of the mind is too easy to believe; through strategy or skill, we can simply allow the mind to rest in its naked state. Which is, according to the Shambala Center security guards, not the same as resting naked.

So there you go, if you can grok this giant, wonderfully simple true nature of mind that is right before your eyes, then you too can make the Earth have a buddhagasm.

So here I am searching for the true nature of the mind and it occurs to me that the instruction is revealing in itself. How we are taught and learn is a shadow that points to the echo of the reflection on the moon of the true nature of the mind.

My teacher would like me to find something, so he offers a description and I look. Sounds pretty straightforward right? But in this method of searching you are only looking for what matches this description and discarding other things of value.

It is as if your mechanic is helping you fix your Chevy over the phone, he asks you to look for the solenoid, a small black cylinder that is hooked to battery and ignition. So you tinker a bit and look at things, some are not black, some are not cylindrical and others are not hooked to the battery. Eventually you will find it, the item that matches the description, but your understanding is not increased, only your vocabulary, as you learn to call that thing the solenoid.

For many years I was a self-directed spiritual learner and as such I found many things, it’s the Montessori approach to Enlightenment. I discovered meditation before I knew what it was; finding great value in quietly sitting and training my mind into a restful state. I found visions, with the help of some visionary substances, and even a bit of wisdom although gritty and unrefined.

Then as I am learning about Buddhism I learn that these things have names. As my teacher describes something, I recognize it as a concept I am already familiar with. For instance, when I learn of samsara, which is basically the false world of desire that entraps us, I understand it is something I recognized a long ago but only as the crushing river of unguided thought.

My point with the Chevy Blazer that will not start is that I have already had a motorcycle that would only start if I kicked the solenoid while pressing the starter. I discovered this on my own by paying attention to the world. Although it took a master to tell me the names and functions of the parts, I already can see that the little black thing is between my start button and battery. And I know the value of a swift kick.

I have heard said that you should seek what the master sought; do not seek the master’s footsteps. I am not sure my spiritual teacher appreciates this as we are trying to start the truck in the shade of the Bodhi tree. I ask him to whack the solenoid while I try to crank the engine, he smiles, wiping greasy hands on his civara, as the engine shudders and starts, an oilgasm.

Looking back where I started I am no longer sure where I am headed or what exactly I have covered, such as it is, we will let it be.

-KZ